i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Alive.
So much puke
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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