we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
