Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
