i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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