3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
soo... how was my night?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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