Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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