I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
