someone threw a dead crab at me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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