A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
