We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
