U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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