In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
