I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
