we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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