Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
