My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
