sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
