wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
