Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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