P.S. I can't hear my feet
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
