I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
