they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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