I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
