my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
