made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
