I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
