I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
