she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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