My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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