Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
