omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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