the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
