did you get engaged???
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
