Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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