ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
