i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
