I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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