The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
