dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
