Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize