may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
