ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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