toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Text me some of your sweat
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
