It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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