i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
