hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
