They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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