did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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