Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
