I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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