i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize