just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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