I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
