those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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