K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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