so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
