A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
