where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
