Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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