How's work?
Spinning.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
