Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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