Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
