now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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