did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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