FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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