Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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