OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
