i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
