we're chasing vodka with high fives
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
