today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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