Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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