i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
