when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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