did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
