My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
