I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
