whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Did I show you my penis last night?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize