I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
