I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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