i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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