he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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