didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
