you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
