Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If I had your ass I would rule the world
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
