This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
