5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
