they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
