mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
