why didn't you poke me back
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
