so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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