I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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