Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
