So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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