A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
