The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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