handjob tips. give me some.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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