Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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