I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
