Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
