her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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